Book Review: 2/5 Impact On Me (Book By Brené Brown)
Read more about the book here
The stories in this book felt very America-centric, which made some of them hard to relate to. Topics like racism against Black people, cheerleading, football teams, and political correctness didn't resonate with me.
The author talks about how, when trying to belong to groups, we often act like chameleons. We mold ourselves to fit in, hiding parts of who we are that don't align with the group. Despite being part of these groups, we can still feel lonely. The key message is: you belong to yourself.
The book feels more like a collection of stories than a set of teachings. It presents four key principles:
It's hard to dislike someone up close. Move in.
Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil.
Hold hands with strangers.
Strong back, soft front, wild heart.
Let's dive into each of the four principles:
1 - It's hard to dislike someone up close. Move in.
Young people in America often have different political views from their grandparents. People aren't getting closer to others with different opinions. So, even when you're surrounded by people, you can still feel lonely.
Loneliness harms your health more than smoking, drinking, or drunk driving. But why do we stay lonely? It's often because of the fear of criticism and judgment.
When we deny our emotions, they control us. When someone says, "You shouldn't be angry about that" or "Don't feel sad," they're really saying your emotions make them uncomfortable.
You can't stay angry forever. Dehumanizing others by calling them names like "pigs" or "rats" strips away their humanity.
That's why we say "Black Lives Matter" instead of "All Lives Matter." Black people had their dignity and humanity stripped away during slavery. Saying "Black Lives Matter" helps restore that dignity and inclusion.
Sometimes, people agree to disagree, but that often means they haven't fully explored their differences. Civil discussions can bring people closer, even if they don't agree.
When you feel like shutting down a conversation because of disagreement, try saying, "Tell me more."
I loved a quote from Viola Davis: People say you should have thick skin so criticism doesn't hurt. But if your skin is too thick, your feelings and thoughts don't come out either.
2 - Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil.
We often feel the need to have an opinion about everything, even things we don't understand. Instead of pretending, we can say, "I don't know much about that. Can you tell me more?"
There's a false idea that you're either with us or against us. This shows up in history, from Mussolini's fascism to George Bush's post-9/11 rhetoric.
But neutrality isn't always the answer either. For example, you don't have to fully support or oppose the NRA. You can believe in gun ownership for hunting while rejecting extreme views.
One story stood out: the author got excited when an employee volunteered for a leadership role. But another team member reminded her of a ground rule. It highlighted how enthusiasm can sometimes overlook important boundaries.
Some examples also showed the overemphasis on political correctness in American culture, which can be irritating.
3 - Hold hands with strangers.
Imagine walking barefoot across a desert. Your feet would hurt from sand, glass, and cacti. One solution is to cover the entire desert with leather. The other is to wear leather shoes.
This made me think about expecting political correctness from others versus being less defensive ourselves.
The author talked about the power of live music, plays, and concerts. Music brings people together. As a musician, that really spoke to me.
She also emphasized the importance of funerals. Showing up matters. This reminded me of how important funerals are in Irish traditions.
4 - Strong back, soft front, wild heart.
Having a strong back means standing up for your values. A soft front means being open to emotions and empathizing with others.
The opposite is thinking that feeling emotions makes you weak.
overall...
I rate this book 2 out of 5. I tried to find value in it and took notes, but many stories and examples didn't resonate with me.
Joseph Campbell said, "If you can see your path, it's not your path." Your true path is one you haven't fully traveled yet.
Spirituality, the author says, is about feeling connected to others through a higher power. I thought about it and realized I don't see a reason to believe we all need to feel connected in that way.
Since humans are social creatures, loneliness is a big challenge.
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