Book Review: 3/5 Impact On Me (Book By Patty Wipfler, Tosha Schore)
Read more about the book here
This was a very long book with 100+ examples. When I conveyed the techniques and examples to my wife, she said, "I think such books are written assuming one parent is a stay-at-home parent with sufficient time to use such techniques."
I tolerated the book - 1) because some techniques seemed overly "permissive parenting" or "gentle parenting" as portrayed by memes. and 2) Because I had read about most of this from other books and was aware of these techniques (and use many).
Some of my insights from the book.
Setting a timer when spending time with your child is a good idea. Aim for at least 3 minutes and, at most, 45 minutes at a time. If you plan for more than an hour, you'll likely get distracted by needing coffee, water, or a bathroom break. Our plan to set a timer for focused time with our child has worked well.
If your child bites, scratches, or hits, don't let them continue. You can stop them playfully, making it part of a game. When they are upset, you don't always need to distract them. Instead, let them cry if they need to. Be there for them—let them cry in your arms or give them space. This helps them release their feelings.
Kids sometimes carry pent-up emotions, which might come out at unexpected moments. The issue that triggers the outburst might seem small, but it's a sign they couldn't express their pain earlier.
Children may also mimic the behavior they've experienced. For example, if someone called them names at daycare, they might call you names too.
In these moments, it's less about disciplining them and more about ensuring they don't hurt anyone while letting them experience their emotions.
The book provides many examples, which I found helpful.
However, I struggled with the approach of listening and letting my child express emotions while being there for them. My spouse, family, or friends often interrupt me, making it harder for my child to feel his emotions.
The book's idea of "special time" is similar to PNP time from Good Inside. This means "Play, No Phone." It's valuable to play in a way where your child is the boss. Let them make up the rules, even if they don't make sense. Sometimes, the rules might involve you saying silly words - do it. During this time, avoid teaching habits, letters, or numbers. Don't add your own rules either—follow their lead. Say you are running around - don't add your own ideas, like pretending to growl like a dinosaur.
If your child misbehaves and you manage to calm them down, don't immediately start a conversation about the issue. They already know what they shouldn't do, and it might not be the right time for that discussion. It often takes time for them to process.
The book emphasizes the importance of "listening partners"—people who will listen to you without judgment. I haven't tried this yet. It feels overwhelming to build that kind of close relationship.
I noticed that the book focuses more on mothers than fathers. It also leans on examples of women's friendships, which feel different from what men might experience.
Overall, I'd rate the impact of this book on me a 3 out of 5.
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