Build Stronger Relationships, Have More Fulfilling Conversations
In any conversation, the right questions can open doors, create connections, and provide valuable insights. Drawing from my experiences and insights from mentors and books, I've experimented with three sets of questions that can transform the end (or start) of a conversation into a powerful moment of connection.
Here’s a look at these approaches and how they can enhance your personal and professional relationships.
I spend 32 minutes writing this. You need 2 minutes to read this.
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1 - The Power Connector Approach
How to Be a Power Connector book suggests these 3 questions:
How can I help you?
What ideas do you have for me?
Who else do you think I should talk to?
These open-ended questions encourage the other person to share their thoughts. They show your willingness to assist and can lead to referrals or advice. Asking for ideas makes the other person feel valued and gives them a chance to contribute to your success.
When using these questions, I noticed mixed reactions. Some appreciated the directness, while others seemed unsure how to respond. The value lies in the genuine offer of help and the potential connections.
When I spoke to prospective consulting clients, they got defensive on hearing “how can I help?” because they thought I was asking for a consulting project.
2 - Concise Questions
A mentor, Russell Cooper, once shared three questions he learned.
In a sentence fragment or less, tell me:
What's your goal?
What's your strategy?
What are the three biggest challenges?
Russell emphasized the importance of asking the speaker to keep it short. But, I instead asked open-ended versions of these because I was not sure of the etiquette of making the speaker be concise.
3 - Personal Reconnection And Career Growth
I developed a set of questions to ask friends. My goal was to find ways to reconnect or help them:
What is your next travel plan?
What career step are are thinking about next?
What are you looking forward to in the next few weeks/months?
One goal was to find the right date and message to reconnect with. Instead of messaging a few months later,
“Hey, it’s been a few months since we spoke. how are you?”
I wanted to send personalized messages like:
“Hey, how was your Italy trip?”
“Hey, I saw AC/DC performed in your city and remembered you were going for it. how did you like the AC/DC concert?”
“Hey, how were school admissions for your kids?”
Another goal was to make introductions when possible. Just as I sought potential clients, I also needed to look for opportunities to benefit others. My sales mindset taught me to find ways to make a monetary impact for anyone. For example:
For agency owners and consultants, this was finding a client that matched their ideal customer profile (ICP).
For full-time employees, identifying steps towards a higher-paying job.
For job seekers (maybe unemployed), I ask for their list of target companies or roles so I can make introductions.
What Are Your Golden Questions?
What questions do you ask in most conversations? Which of those help you strengthen your relationship?
If you were to pick from the above, which ones would you choose for your next conversation?
Try these questions in your next conversation and experience the difference they make.
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